Most of us have memories of our first crushes from kindergarten or elementary school. I wasn´t much different too- at that time I would often daydream of being in a relationship with some of my peers or boys from my classes.
That platonic daydreaming continued until my high school or up to an age when I was around 16 years old. At that time I had the first chance of having a “real” relationship with one guy that I really liked. He was in a relationship with one of the girls from my high school who was younger than me.
I remember spending Summer holidays with him and listening to his promises that he´ll break up with his girlfriend soon as we return to our home town. Even then I had sense of what is right strongly developed, since I told him not to break up with her- I didn´t want to ruin their relationship.
After that Summer, when we returned to our homes, I started to ponder about my relationship status. Almost everyone around me pressured me to have a boyfriend, all the teen magazines were writing about relationships and all the movies revolved around boys chasing girls.
Because of all that pressure I started to feel very lonely.
Few months after beginning of my 3rd year classes, I decided to change high school.
The loneliness feeling was just too strong. Little did I know that the feeling would not disappear, but only reach its highest point.
At age 17, after I broke up the above mentioned “forbidden romance” that lasted few weeks of Summer I made my first serious decision of curing my loneliness through school change.
The problem wasn´t solved since I had to adjust to completely new classmates who were all in formed groups.
I felt like I didn´t belong anywhere. While attending my new school I could also observe my peers relationships- which, I know now were mostly puppy loves that didn´t lead anywhere. I was lonely and jealous of people whose relationships were- mostly terrible. It is kind of funny to reminisce of that high school days, now when I am certain that I would get married.
I even read a study where it was pointed out that it is best to skip first serious relationship and immediately jump to second one.
From my point of view- I really didn´t miss anything.